Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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