I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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