Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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