Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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