peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
