people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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