no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize