Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
