You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
