As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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