He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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