I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
