I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
