We won't sleep together?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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