Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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