You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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