i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
