it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
