I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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