unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
