Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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