I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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