is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
