Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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