Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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