my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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