Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
