and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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