I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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