I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
