Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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