dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
