dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
