I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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