Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
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