Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
