I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
