I think I am morally bankrupt
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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