Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
