he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
