i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
