She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
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Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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