so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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