May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
