this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
