i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
