We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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