no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
