i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
