Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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