k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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