why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
