worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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