I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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