Clothes are such an inconvenience.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
