I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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