I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do vagina's smell?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
