.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
