I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
