you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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