i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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