if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
