if you like me you must not know who I am
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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