I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
