A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
