A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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