sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
