I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
