just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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