brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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