I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
my liver is dry heaving
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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