You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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