i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
