Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
