she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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