Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
