Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
